Question: How do I inspire my child to write?

It starts with a simple sentence.

Some of my most enjoyable moments were teaching a five-session writing class to elementary students. This is an age where their imaginations are getting broader and more inventive. This is the best time to get them to write those wonderful thoughts down on paper. But not every child I had was very excited to write.

My very first class had nine students, one of whom did not want to be there. On his first day he was adamant that his parents signed him up for the wrong class. I assured him that he was right where he should be and that he would have a great time writing. I could tell he didn’t believe me. The first and second classes were unproductive with respect to this student. While every other student was in their second drafts, he still hadn’t created a single sentence.

And then during the third class meeting, something amazing happened. There was a break in the lesson plan and all the kids were having conversations about their stories. One child made a joke about something, and another child elaborated on it. I let the conversation continue into lesson time, because the joke had somehow morphed into a communal story, with every child adding to the plot – including my writing-resistant student. In fact, he was the most ardent adder to the story, and his fellow classmates would encourage his input by complementing his version with their own.

I finally called the class to order and had them continue working on their current drafts. I then knelt beside my reluctant student’s chair and said, “You added incredible elements to the story you were all sharing. I would love to hear the end of it.” His eyes lit up and he started to talk about his ideas, but I interrupted him. “Wait, wait, I’m going to forget this great story. I need you to write it down so that I can remember it.” And with that, he wrote his story, first draft to finished product.  And it truly was a wonderfully imaginative story with much humor and adventure.

If you have a child who absolutely hates to write, it’s because they haven’t yet found the story that demands to be remembered. And the more you push them to write, the more they may not want to do it.  So what can you do?

Let’s take this from a reluctant writer’s point of view. Writing is boring. There are so many other things he or she could be doing than sitting at a desk with a paper and a pencil. The reluctant writer has not yet discovered the meaning of writing, which is to have fun with your imagination, to go places you haven’t been. But it all starts with a simple sentence.

Be a role model. If you are a reader and a writer, then your child will be, too. Start with a sentence. Sit with him or her and write a letter to a far-off family member, write a journal entry about what you did today. Write a grocery list. Find as many excuses as you can to model writing behavior.

Encourage writing. Encourage your child to write down his thoughts whenever he has something exciting to talk about. Tell him that something so exciting should be written down so it isn’t forgotten. Start with a sentence. And then have him read what he wrote to you, even if it is only one sentence. Never mind if the grammar or spelling is not perfect. It doesn’t have to be, until he is ready to share it with a critical group (such as his class or for a writing contest). My mantra is “as long as I can read it.”  Let your child know that it’s okay to have imperfect writing. He will have time to improve on his writing as he learns to revise and edit his work. And if only he will see his work, what does it matter if he didn’t spell “especially” right.

Embrace technology. Lastly, teach your child to use a computer. When a child has lots to write about, it can be discouraging when her hand starts to hurt. Teach her to type so she can write her story using a word processing program. Teach her how to save her work, and teach her to create new drafts to edit, instead of editing her original work.

Start with a simple sentence. Your child may only want to write a sentence or two without grumbling. But as writing becomes a daily adventure rather than a chore, those sentences will come together into a story of his or her own. Be a writing role model and give encouragement any chance you get. Your child will eventually have that “aha” moment and will want to write about it.

Communication and Blogging with Kids

site used for student blogs

My son's teacher set up blog pages for her students to use. It is mainly to post their book reports, but they are also free to post other school-related or personal commentaries. It is an excellent lesson in responsible social media use.

First of all, students cannot immediately post to their blogs. Once they complete a post, it has to go to the teacher to be moderated. Then, if she approves of the content, the post gets published. This way, students will learn what is acceptable content, and what should be left out (such as personal info, bad language, and improper comments about others).

Second, it gives them the freedom to personalize a page just for themselves. They are allowed to choose and customize themes, create pages, "follow" other blogs, and comment on other classmates' posts. Kids need opportunities to feel like they call the shots. Blog pages offer up a way for students to explore their individual personalities.

image from KidsLearnToBlog.com

It provides an avenue to safely learn that others will see what they post. Students learn to understand that what they say will have an impact on readers - positively or negatively - and will have to use their blog responsibly. They will discover that what they wrote may be boring to another, and to another it will be a point of disagreement, and to yet another it will be a source of entertainment.

Lastly, having a blog is a way to improve life skills.They learn how to keyboard, and hopefully in turn learn how to spell and use proper grammar, which in turn makes reading more enjoyable for the visitor. They learn to communicate clearly and effectively through comments and replies. And they will gain confidence in their ideas and creativity and ideally become less discouraged when someone criticizes their work.

If your child's teacher is not using blogs in the classroom, consider giving your child access to a blog at home. KidsLearnToBlog.com is a simple website to help parents navigate through the world of blogging and social media. And for a one-stop shop for the web's best blogs by kids, visit BlogsByKids for the latest and greatest blogs for kids, picked by kids. And if you need moral support, I'm here for you! ^_^

Leave a comment below and tell me about your adventures as a parent with a kid blogger!

Communication and Kendo, Part 2

image copyright Darya Klevetova

In my last post about communication and its relationship to kendo, I talked about one basic point of kendo - it is the art of self-improvement. Today, I want to introduce a second point and how it relates to communication. This is called "Ki-ken-tai-ichi" and means (as close to translation as I can get) bringing together your mind and body through your sword.

Remember when I said that kendo is not all about hitting your opponent, but how you look and sound while you hit? Ki-ken-tai-ichi encompasses that principal. Any untrained person can pick up a shinai (bamboo sword), watch a YouTube video or read a "how-to" book, and copy the moves to make hits. What you can't learn from videos and books is how to focus your inner self into the strike - making the sword an extension of your body. I can whack a target. I can scream my head off as I hit the target. But I do not commit myself to the hit if my entire being is not IN the strike.

Think of it in terms of the sport's original life-and-death beginnings. When two swordsmen squared off, the natural response is a self-preservation one. No one wants to die, but in this moment, one will stand and one will fall. (I am so hearing Optimus Prime right now...Oh, sorry.) The question then is, who will be the one left standing? The answer is the one who committed himself to making his strike be the killing blow. His opponent would then have to do one of two things; block the strike (which, against a well-trained opponent, might be too late) or also commit to a killing strike (again, being a reactionary decision, his chances are slim).

Copyright Michel Gillet Photography

Today, we don't normally go around carrying swords with the intent of striking people down. But in kendo, the sword still holds great importance in a kendoka's* life. In kendo, your opponent isn't a stationary object. It is another person with just as much intent to commit to a strike as you. If your sword has not become a part of your body, you will not hit your target with the "killing blow." You will be slower because the sword is nothing more than added weight in your hands. The strike will not be true because it is not connected to your eyes. Your self-preservation mechanism will kick in because you will doubt your ability to hit the mark, making your feet hesitate and lose rhythm with your hands.

To persevere, your mind and body must be one with the sword.

I sat my son down one evening after a class. He was especially upset because one of his sensei (instructor) kept correcting him on his swing and footwork. The sensei wasn't paying nearly as much attention to the other students (in his mind) and so he concluded that he must be horrible at kendo. To make it worse on him, this wasn't just any sensei. He was THE sensei, head instructor of the dojo.

And I had this particular sensei as well when I first started. So I drew upon my experience to help my son understand what was really going on. If this sensei even bothered to give you his personal attention, then he saw potential - he saw someone worth his time to teach. My son should be proud that this sensei took the time to help him correct his swing or his footwork. It also meant that he should work harder to achieve Ki-ken-tai-ichi. Once he made the sword a part of his body, his swing and footwork would all fall into place because he would become completely aware of his body and his movements. And his sensei would "stop picking on him."

My son's biggest problem at the time was his habit of holding a defensive stance when facing an opponent. And in kendo, defense doesn't get you points. Don't misunderstand, defense is important to strategy when facing an opponent. But my son uses defensive moves so often it becomes predictable. It causes him to focus on what the opponent will do rather than what he can do to the opponent, and so he loses his concentration momentarily when the opponent strikes, creating dissonance between his swing and his footwork. His sensei would stop him during practice and correct him, or provide examples of how he could move better. When his second taikai (tournament) came around, he was almost sure he didn't want to participate again.

My son is not just a defensive kendoka. He is a defensive communicator. He looks for any indication from others that they are about to "strike" him with a harsh criticism, tattle on him, or some provide some other put-down. Granted, his own actions will at times warrant a word from his teacher or an "I feel" message from a classmate. But because of his personality (borderline type A, ugh) and early years of social anxiety, his interactions with most kids and adults tend to be reactionary, he waits for them to make the first move.

Thankfully, my son has mostly outgrown his defensive nature, although it still pops up once in a while.  Back to his second taikai, THE sensei spoke with him after his match and again corrected him on his footwork and to be less hesitant with his strikes. And my son stood there and looked squarely at his sensei, nodded intently, and said he would work harder. His body language showed sincerity, his voice was clear. In that moment, he was in Ki-ken-tai-ichi. He brought together his mind and body through his verbal "sword."

His sword and his communication skills are one and the same. In his defensive posture, his words are hesitant, sometimes mumbled or nonexistent.Once he's gotten over the initial defensive stance, his words are clear and easily understood. He's getting better, though, and soon he will be able to walk up to someone, determine the words he needs to say, and say them with conviction. He will take in other people's words and effortlessly decide how best to respond. And he will be able to let the words flow through him naturally as he and his "opponent" trade words in fun, in anger, in opinion, and in knowledge.

*Kendoka is a person who practices the art of kendo